Rafael's Tea Party
by zigguratank
Summary: COMPLETED! Alister and Valon recieved a call for help from Rafael. they go to supposedly save him from a mysterious ticking sound. A BOMB? ummm, this is a bad summary. the story is much better! pleez read and review thanks!
1. A call for help

Disclaimer: I don't own yu-gi-oh!

PLEAD: PLEEZ READ AND REVIEW THIS STORI! It would mean the world to me! And the other people who helped me write this…Dice Devil and Waka Waka Nutcase. (They're not real authors in fanfiction, just idea people.)

A/N: I'm gonna stick 2 humor stories now…lovey dovey stuff makes me feel funni…I dun lyk it ne more…I mean, lyk reading them but I can't write…well, hope u enjoy! Oh yea…I didn't write this alone…i should give credit 2 Dice Devil and Waka Waka Nutcase…cough family cough...yea, they helped a lot...BTW: sorry it suks. We're not good with details…

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**Rafael's Tea Party**

_Tick tick tick_… Rafael had to make this perfect…if it didn't go right he'd die! _This is pretty serious! I need some help! I know! I call Alister and Valon! Except I'll have to trick them into coming or else they won't want to come!_

Rafael dialed the number to Alister's cell phone. _Ring Ring!_

"Hello?" a dull voice called out. Rafael talked with a sense of needing desperate help.

"Alister! I need your help!" Rafael pleaded holding the cell phone intentionally next to the strange ticking noise. _Tick tick tick_.

"WHOA! Is that a bomb I hear! Hey where are you Rafael! Are you in trouble! Don't worry, me and Valon are coming right now!" Alister hollered.

Rafael sobbed. "I DON'T HAVE TIME TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTIONS! But, I want… want you and Valon to know something…I've always loved you guys…as brothers of course…" A few more sobs, sniffles and cries of pain were made to persuade Alister and then Rafael made the phone go dead, "BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!"

"RAFAEL! RAFAEL!" Alister cried."HEY VALON! WE HAVE TO GO TO RAFAEL'S HOUSE!"

"Why?" Valon asked watching a frightened redhead scurry around his room looking for weapons and pepper spray.

"RAFAEL'S IN TROUBLE! HE SOUNDED WORRIED ON THE PHONE AND THERE WAS A TICKING NOISE IN THE BACK! I THINK THERE'S A BOMB AT HIS HOUSE!" Alister explained. That was all it took to get Valon running towards his motorcycle and putting on his helmet. Together, the two bikers rushed to their friend's house to supposedly save him.

When they got there the front door was wide open. They stepped in cautiously looking left and right and called out to their dear old friend. "

"RAFAEL! WHERE ARE YOU! ARE YOU OKAY! SAY SOMETHING!" A few minutes of silence were present, then they heard something. _Tick tick tick_. The two moved towards the sound of the ticking. It was near the kitchen. Once outside the kitchen doors they counted down.

"Three. Two. One." BOOOOM! Alister and Valon simultaneously kicked down the doors. At the exact same time, the "bomb" goes off. _DING!_ They fell to floor scared for their lives, protecting their precious face and hair.

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"AAAAAAAAAAHH! SPARE ME!" Alister cried.

"I'M TOO YOUNG AND GOOD LOOKING TO DIE!" Valon bawled. Waterfalls of tears streamed down Valon's pale cheeks.

Alister looked up, "Hey, there's no one in here!" Valon cautiously opens his eyes and looks up revealing nothing but a plain kitchen which was, might I add, extraordinarily clean!

"Something smells…kinda good."Valon exclaimed," It smells like…like..."

"**COOKIES**!" Rafael thundered towards the kitchen in a frilly pink apron that stated _Kiss the Cook._ "YEA! MY COOKIES ARE DONE!" Before retrieving his cookies from the oven, he notices the knocked down doors and the frightened teenagers staring up at him.

"YEA! YOU MADE IT! Oh, before you go set the table, I need you guys to fix those doors. It won't look nice when the guests arrive!" Rafael warned.

Alister and Valon quickly repaired the doors and turned towards their big friend.

"Ok, hold it Rafael! You said you needed help! I heard a bomb in the distance and we were thought you were serious!" Alister proclaimed. While Alister lectures Rafael, Valon slowly slides his hand towards the tray of cookies. But Rafael caught him red-handed, and using natural instincts he slaps Valon's greedy hand away from his precious cookies.

"NO COOKIES UNTIL THE GUESTS ARRIVE!" Rafael shooed. Turning back to Alister, he bubbles "Now, I already have both your outfits picked out!"

"Huh! WAIT RAFAEL! GUESTS! OUTFITS! COOKIES! TABLE! What is this! A frickin tea party!" Valon explodes since he wasn't allowed to have a cookie. Rafael snickers, "Yes." The two stared in disbelief and horror. Then they turned away and started out the door.

"WAIT! DON'T LEAVE YET! I'LL LET YOU HAVE A COOKIE IF YOU STAY!" Rafael persuaded. Valon jerked around, "Cookie!" his eyes glittered brightly. Alister pulled him away, "Come on! We don't have time to play tea party with you Rafael! Go find someone else to play dollies with!" That did it. Rafael cracked. He stomped up to them and held them by their shirt collars with only one hand.

"Wow, smart move Alister! You got him real mad now! Who knows what he'll do to us!" Valon turned to the giant Rafael towering above them. "I'M TO YOUNG TO DIE! ALL I WANTED WAS A COOKIE!" he whimpered. Rafael closed the front door with his free hand. Still holding them by the collars, he marched them to the bathroom.

"NOW," he barked, "you two are going to attend this party, do you understand!"

"YES SIR!"

"Good, now get changed!" Rafael pointed them into assigned dressing rooms. He put them down and made sure that they went to get changed. When Alister got into his dressing room, he stared in horror at the piece of clothing hanging in front of him. Same went for Valon…sort of.

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A/N: sooo, how do you like it so far? I know it has a lot of he said, and he exclaimed, he sobbed and that stuff, but I want to get the mood just right! Well, if u like it so far, you won't believe what'll happen next! 


	2. the beginning of trouble

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh

Read to find out what Alister and Valon have to wear and do at (dum dum dum!) **RAPHAEL'S TEA PARTY!

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**

Twenty minutes later Alister stumbled out of the dressing room. He wore a frilly, puffy, pink party dress with puffy sleeves and strawberry embroidered pantyhose (A/N: heehee! I'm so mean!) His hair was a mess since it was almost impossible to pull that THING over his head. Rafael paused a moment to get a good look at Alister.

"You look marvelous!" Rafael merrily exclaimed. He put down the bowl of chocolate frosting and helped his friend look even nicer. Alister glared at him as he pulled out a frilly pink bow that matched his outfit.

"There is NO way that I'm going to wear that piece of crap!" Alister fired.

"But Valon wore his! I just gave him a cookie…Do you need a cookie?"

"NO! You can't bribe me with sugar like you did with Valon!" Alister barked.

Rafael turned evil again. "WEAR IT!" he stuck the bow into Alister burgundy red hair and pushed him out the back door and into the garden. Valon looked up from his cookie and whooped, "AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! THAT DRESS IS HILARIOUS! WHERE'S THE CAMERA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"What at you laughing at!" Alister shot, "In case you haven't noticed you look pretty stupid yourself!" Valon looked down at his own outfit. He was right. He looked extremely silly in his yellow sundress with daisies, lacey ends, silk gloves, a butter yellow bow with a plastic bumblebee glued to it, light yellow stockings and black half inch heels. He also had a matching sunhat and frilly umbrella to go along with his dress. Valon faced Alister and concluded proudly, "I like it." Alister gasped. Rafael took Alister to his seat and handed him a pink purse filled with candy and a red frosted cookie. Valon also received another cookie for being proud of his dress.

_I can't believe it. I'm wearing a dress and itchy pantyhose that… ewwwww…I don't even want to think about it. I'm sitting at a table decorated with pink and white tablecloths and white china plates. Valon is actually proud of what he's wearing, and Rafael has gone mushy. Tell me this is a dream! Let me wake up from this nightmare!_

Unfortunately, this was no dream. This was reality. Suddenly Alister had an idea. He watched Rafael closely to see if he could see him. When Rafael was out of sight Alister quickly dialed Dartz on his cell phone.

"YES! What do you want! I'm busy!" a piercing voice answered.

"Master Dartz! I need help! Rafael has gone mad and…oh no! He's coming back! Just come to Rafael's house and see for yourself!"

"Hmmm this sounds serious. I guess playing pinball will have to wait. I'm coming." _Click._ Alister sighed with relief, "Its okay, Valon. Everything will be alright. Help is on the way!" Rafael poked his head out of the window.

"Say what?"

"Nothing! Nothing at all!" Alister yelped. Rafael returns to his baking.

Valon had seen what Alister had done, but ignored it. He returned to his cookie which was more important.

"ALRIGHT! How should I begin with you? Should I bite around the edge and eat you like a spiral? Or should I break you into bite size pieces and dip you into the boiling hot tea? Either way, you'll still taste delicious Valon thought out loud to himself…and Mr. Cookie.

"Valon, will you please shut up? Jeez! You're going crazy too aren't you? It must be all this sickening pink and white! Blah!" complained Alister.

"Will you quit your whining and just enjoy yourself for once mate! You can get real annoying sometimes! Oh, and by the way if you're not gonna eat that cookie, can I have it?"

"Sure. Take it." Alister surrendered feeling hurt that one of his only friends who hadn't gone totally mad yet, called him annoying.

"Awwwwwwww! You two have such polite manners! I'm going to brag about you guys to EVERYONE who's coming! OH NO! It's already 12:00! I need to get changed!" Raphael hurried to the bathroom to get ready for his guests.

A couple minutes later Dartz rings the door bell to Rafael's house. _Ding dong!_

"COMING!" Rafael greeted Dartz with a bright white smile. "MASTER DARTZ! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!" Rafael's smile had faded. Alister spied from the backyard. _Hahahahaha! Dartz is gonna be so mad when he finds out what Rafael is doing! Mwahahahahahahahahahaha!_ Valon studied Alister's weird face and gestures. He thought to himself, _Hmmmm Alister must be on some kind of drug! I hope it's not in the cookies! Wait, he didn't eat any cookies. That means he must have taken them before he got here! Hey, there's Master Dartz! Should I go say hi? I wonder if he'll join us. Do you think he'll let me have his cookie? My pantyhose are getting itchy…_

"Rafael," Dartz started. He examined Rafael's clothes. He was wearing a green velvet dress (that was a little tight around the waistline area…) mint green stocking, pink frills all around and lace up black leather boots that were meant for women to wear. "Well you certainly have been busy during your day off! What exactly are you doing? I got a distress call from Alister."

"Alister! Well, never mind him. I'm uhhhh…having a tea party." Rafael guiltily replied.

"WHAT!" Dartz cried out. Alister waited patiently._ Haha, this is the moment I've been waiting for: when Dartz goes ballistic and teaches Rafael a lesson! I hope this involves blood... _Dartz continued, "RAFAEL! I'M ASHAMED OF YOU! I AM YOUR HARD WORKING BOSS WHO WORKS SO HARD TO WAKE THE GREAT BEAST AND YET, YOU AND MY OTHER FELLOW EMPLOYEES HOLD A TEA PARTY!" (Alister: snicker snicker) "WITHOUT ME!" (Alister: gasp faints) "WHY, YOU DIDN'T EVEN SEND ME AN INVITATION! WHEN WAS I GOING TO GET AN INVITATION RAFAEL!" Dartz criticized. Rafael sighed with relief; at least Dartz was not going to be mad at him for doing such a silly thing.

"I didn't think you'd want to come since you were so busy and stuff. If you wanted an invitation all you had to do was ask! Why don't you come back later when everything is set up Master Dartz? In the mean time, just find something nice to wear, like what I'm wearing, and bring a refreshment!" Rafael said gleefully. Dartz smiled a big smile and looked up at Rafael. "You really mean it! Great! I'm going home right now! See you later! And tell Alister that dress of his really looks good on him!" And with that, Dartz skipped merrily down the front steps to his car and drove off. This was going to be a hard time for both Alister and Valon…well, Alister mostly.

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A/N: well, do you like it? I know it kind of look like Alister is the main character, but I'm going to make Valon have some troubles to deal with. DO NOT FEAR VALON LOVERS! THERE WILL BE MORE VALON COMING SOON! I PROMISE! until next time!...that kinda sounded like the reading rainbow dude... 


	3. Another guest

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh or any of its characters…but I wish I did…sniff oh yea I DON'T own Teletubbies! All I own is and his family! Yea!

A/N:Yea! I got nice reviews! Thank you all! (BTW: Dice Devil and Waka Waka Nutcase are happy too!) Well, if you haven't noticed, I changed my name from serenitymoon8 to zigguratank. I think its cooler, and I've always like changes. Well, I'm keeping my promise and I'm going to make more pplz come in! Oh yea, and more Valon! Yea…I think Alister has too much limelight in the previous chapters. Well, here you go!

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_Dear_ Mr.Seto Kaiba

_I am holding a dueling tournament: TODAY and I humbly invite you to attend. At this event, you will be able to compete against the greatest duelists of our time! Please come to the address below to register for this event:_

5678 Blueberry Waffle Lane

Domino City, Japan 12345

_We hope to see you there! Oh, and please dress nicely. Thank you._

_Sincerely,_

_Rafael B. _

_p.s. it's the pink house on the corner next to the purple mail box._

Kaiba stared in disbelief at this letter that had arrived 2 minutes ago.

"Blueberry Waffle Lane! What idiot would name a street that!" Kaiba hooted. Mokuba cautiously stepped into his brother's room to see what had come in the mail. He saw his big brother rolling about the floor screaming with laughter and pain for he laughed so much, his sides hurt.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…BLUEBERRY! HAHAHAHA…WAFFLES!AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…PINK!...AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…MAIL BOX!" Kaiba howled. Mokuba, picked up the letter and soon he was laughing alongside his brother.

"HAHAHA! gasp gasp Are you…HAHAHA…really going…HAHAHA! wheeze to duel? HAAHAHAHAHA!" Mokuba asked in gasps of air.

"HAHA!wheeze…yup! HAHAHAHAHA!" Kaiba answered still not getting over the strange name of the street.

"Well, gasp...haha…you should probably….wheeze...ahaha… get dressed and…gasp…haha! get your duel monsters deck…gasp"

"You're…wheeze...right…hahaha! but what...gasp should I wear?"

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MEANWHILE IN FRONT OF RAFAEL'S HOUSE…

Mai stared up at the hot pink mansion where she was supposed to register for the new dueling tournament. _Well, this is it. This is the exact address that was on the invitation. See, there's the purple mailbox! But something about this house makes me question it. It's too…too… pink!_ Mai rang the doorbell. At first there was no chime, but then a haunting melody began to screech through the speakerphones that were hidden in the bushes, "Tinky Winky! Dip-sy! La La! Po! Teletubbies! Teletubbies! Say. Hel-lo! Eh oh!" Mai was just about to freak out when Rafael opened the door. He found a wide eye blond girl standing motionless at the doorstep.

"Eh oh Mai!" Rafael cheered. Mai decided to make a run for it. _I don't care about dueling right now! All I need to do is to get away from this evil place! _But Mai couldn't move for Rafael had caught her in a gut squeezing hug.

"YEA! You came! You came! Valon's going to be so happy! He's been making friends with cookies." Rafael informed. Mai was pushed inside the house. The door locked behind her.

"I'm sorry Mai, but I can't let you go see Valon just yet. You need to get proper clothes, like what I'm wearing! See?" Rafael explained. Mai had finally come back to reality after being swept, squeezed and pushed with great speed.

"Where am I?" she wondered out loud. She began to make out the objects surrounding her. A soft pink couch, a pink beaded lamp, and…

"AAAAAHHHH! What is that horrible thing! It blinds me! My eyes! AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!" Mai screamed in horror. Rafael looked around in panic.

"Where? Where? What color is it!"

"IT'S GREEN AND IT'S MOVING! AAAAAHHH! IT'S WEARING STOCKINGS AND BOOTS THAT SO TOTALLY DON'T GO WITH THE DRESS! AAAAAAAHHHH!" Mai collapsed onto the floor wailing. She got on her knees and prayed that this was all just a nightmare. It took a while for Rafael to figure out that she was calling him a monster. He felt sad.

"Well, if you don't like my outfit then I guess I have no choice but to change." Rafael sniffled. Then he brightened up. "But since you came to join our party then I suggest you go change too or else you'd look ridiculous when you get outside. Then dressing room is down the hall to your left. Don't worry! I already picked out what you're going to wear!" Mai couldn't believe her ears. _Huh? Get dressed? Wait a minute is that Rafael talking to me? Maybe he can help me get away from this monster!_ Mai looked up at the towering Rafael. Her face showed that she was relieved, but then it gasped in terror. _AAAHHHH! Rafael is the monster! He's gone mad! NOOOOO! Where's he taking me? _Rafael began to worry that other guests would be arriving soon and it wouldn't look nice to have a spazzing out person on the front. So he dragged her to the dressing room and threw her in.

"Now, if you have any problems with buttons, zippers, or waistline problems wink wink just give me a holler!" And with that, Rafael left the shocked woman to her dressing. He hummed the Teletubbies theme song as he skipped to his own dressing room.

A few minutes later Mai peeked out of the dressing room and wobbled out wearing a sparkly gold and silver poofy masquerade dress. It was lined with sparkly, but itchy, sequins, and she was also required to wear pantyhose like the others (but she didn't know Valon and Alister also wore them) Mai had felt bad for Rafael.

"Poor thing. He must have lost all sanity after trying to free the Leviathan. I guess big monsters aren't his thing." She decided to attend his…whatever it was…and wear the hideous dress. The super-high high heels were difficult to maneuver in, but she soon got the hang of it and started towards the backyard, which Rafael had informed her to go to as soon as she finished. Since her dress swept the floor with its layers of cloth, she had to pick it up with both hands. This left no free hands to open the backdoor so she kick open the door. She couldn't believe her eyes.

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Valon talked and played with his new little friends (his back facing the backdoor). Ever since Rafael had been rewarding him with cookies, he only ate 4 and saved 5 to make a family. Now had a wife named 2 sons named Chocolate Cookie and Sugar Cookie and a daughter named Ginger Snap Cookie. Valon heard the backdoor open and then a stifled laugh.

"Well Cookies! It looks like we have a new guest! Let's welcome…errrr it…so Rafael can give me another cookie to make you a pet!" Valon turned around and saw Mai dressed in the shiny masquerade gown choking back her laughter. Valon's eyes widened in terror. He never expected Mai to come! Valon took the Cookies under the table with him to hide from Mai, but he suddenly yelped as he came back out. Alister's, still passed out, body was sprawled under the table, and had startled poor innocent Valon who didn't want to face his beloved Mai in the outfit he was wearing. Trembling he muttered a greeting to Mai, "hellomai." Mai burst out laughing.

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Valon! Is that really you! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You look pathetic! Did Rafael make you wear that! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Hold on; let me get my cell phone. I have GOT to get a picture! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I'm gonna post this on the internet! And I'm gonna send it to all the Valon fan girls! AHAHAHAHAHA!" Mai pulled out her cell phone and set it to camera mode. Valon took the Cookies and ran. So here's the story so far: Rafael is changing into a different outfit; Alister still hasn't recovered from his faint; Valon made a family; and Mai arrived and now she's chasing Valon around the garden trying to snap a picture of him in a yellow dress with 5 cookies.

Suddenly Mai and Valon hear the awful sound of Teletubbies at the front door. that could only mean one thing...

Then they hear Rafael running to the front door, "Coming!...Oh Master Dartz! Come in! You're just in time! Mai's here and…oh! You brought your homemade brownies! You shouldn't have!...Well, I'll put these on a platter and you can go on out to the back and sit down!"

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A/N: well? How'd you like it? Is it ok? Next I'm going to make Yugi and the gang comes! OOPS! I wasn't supposed to tell you! Aack! Forget I said anything! Well, I'm off to think of more ideas for the 4th chap! Later! (oh yea, I just couldn't keep this in, but I'm gonna have a bonus chap at the end! So you better stay in touch with the story to read the bonus chapter! Guaranteed laughter!) LATER! 


	4. Kaiba comes

Disclaimer: is this really necessary? Oh well, I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh. Or Sony's Karaoke Machine….if they have one…

A/N: YEA! I got great reviews! And I promise I'll try my best to make the rest of the story even funnier! So thanks everyone for the reviews and I hope you like this chapter!

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Dartz headed straight for the back. He was in search for some…helpers. Just then, Alister awoke from under the table and crawled out to see Dartz wearing an aqua blue leather dress complete with fur accessories and a purse. He had on blue lipstick, eyeliner, pantyhose, everything! But it didn't stop there he also had bright blue high top boots, laced with blue fur, to match his extraordinary outfit.

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! MASTER DARTZ! What were you thinking!" Alister cried out in horror. Dartz grabbed Valon and Alister by the arms, leaving Mai stunned and speechless, and marched them out the back gate to his car without any explanation. Alister tried to pull away from his deranged boss, and Valon tried to hold on to the Cookies that he so desperately cared for. Dartz finally reached the trunk of his blue Cadillac

"Come now! You two need to help me carry out my equipment in the trunk!" Dartz finally explained. The two guys asked with confusion, "Equipment?"

"Yes! My music equipment! Rafael asked me to be the entertainment, so I bought…" Master Dartz popped opened the trunk to reveal…his brand new Sony Karaoke set. Alister nearly passed out again, and Valon covered the Cookies eyes so they would not be blinded by such terror.

"I never knew you had a karaoke machine, let alone the talent to sing Dartz!" Alister commented. Dartz hugged his set proudly.

"I know! You see, right after I found out that Rafael was having a tea party, I went out to find some sort of music uuhhh thingamabob. The salesman at Sharper Image let me try out this karaoke machine and…I found a new talent: singing. He said I had the voice of an angel!" he explained with great enthusiasm. Valon thought, "_Maybe he was just trying to sell something. At least I don't have to sing … do I?"_ With no more explanations, Alister and Valon hauled out the 50 pound giant that would soon caused nightmares for them. As they shuffled through to the backyard they heard a click and then were blinded by a brilliant flash of light. When the two recovered their sight, they found Mai rolling on the ground howling with laughter. She had snapped LOTS of pictures of the two biker dudes in funny dresses while they were occupied with Dartz and his karaoke machine.

"ACK! Valon! Get that cell phone away from your girlfriend! No one can ever know what happened here!" Alister hollered. Valon let go of the machine and chased Mai around the yard. Alister realized he made a devastating mistake for he was now left to carry the 50 pounds of heavy machinery _alone_. He pulled and tugged the giant until he reached the place to set up. Dartz, followed behind with the microphones and wires.

"Good. Now, how do you hook this up? Where is the manual?" Dartz searched around for the manual and got Alister to help. As the boss and employee searched and the cookie obsesser chased the paparazzi girl, they were all interrupted by the horrifying sound of teletubbies.

Kaiba rang the front door. _Geez, what a wacked out neighborhood. Pink? Purple? And crazy names! I'm glad I didn't bring Mokuba here. He would have gone mad. I wonder if Yugi came…if he did, then I'm gonna kick his…butt. WHOA! What is that horrible sound! TELETUBBIES! You've got to be kidding me! I should make a run for it now! No wait, I have to stay to beat Yugi! FINALLY, they answer the door! Maybe I'll have to give him a piece of my… HOLY CRAP! _Kaiba was stunned at the sight of a giant beast in a Hyper color (changes colors in different temperatures) dress. Rafael didn't have time to put on makeup so he thought he looked like a slob.

"Oh, eh oh Kaiba! Come in! Sorry I don't look ready." Rafael welcomed. This was Kaiba's chance to make a move… he ran.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! MAD MEN ARE COMING TO KILL ME! HEEEEEELLLLLPPPPPPP!" he screeched as he ran down the orange painted road. Rafael sighed, "Not another chaser!" He painfully got on his motorcycle and chased Kaiba. Kaiba was moving pretty fast! But then he did the stupidest thing ever: he dove into a bush while running down a straight path with the motorcyclist right behind him.

"_Maybe he didn't see me!" _Kaiba thought as he hid "safely" (or so he thought) in his bush. He heard the rumble of the motorcycle speed past. "_Yes!"_ thought Kaiba. But then it came back and screeched its brakes right in front of the bush.

"Kaiba, thank you for stopping. It makes my job a lot easier!" Rafael grinned as he dragged the terrified Kaiba out of the bush and drove him back to the house. (You don't want to know _how_ Rafael drove him back)

Along the way, Rafael explained to his frightened passenger about how he tricked him into coming and how it was going to so much fun. Kaiba, who was too perplexed to say anything, agreed that it would be tons of fun. Still stunned, he staggered into dressing room that Rafael told him to go to, and he started changing his outfit.

Ten minutes later he came tottering out in a fuzzy orange dress. It was designed to fit Kaiba's slim body, but it also contained many orange poof balls to bring out his expressions. He still hadn't recovered from the many colors of Rafael's Hyper color suit. After lacing up his orange high-heeled boots, he walked out the back door to join the other people that he was going to have so much fun with, as Rafael explained. When he reached the backyard, he saw the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen. She was strong too, for she was lifting up a humongous speaker all by herself so that a…person dressed in blue could figure out where to plug in some cords.

Alister yelled at his boss underneath the giant speaker he was holding up, to hurry. Dartz tried to buy some more time from Alister because he had absolutely no idea where to plug in these cords. "Alister please stop complaining. That speaker doesn't weigh anything! You are soooo lazy! Even_ I_ could carry _that_!" Dartz scoffed.

"So why don't you?" Alister slyly asked. Dartz had to admit, that was a good comeback.

"Fine! I will!" they were about to trade places when a new orange guest came running towards them. It was KAIBA!

"Beautiful ladies! Please let me help you! Rafael shouldn't make women lift such heavy things! Let me carry that!" Kaiba offered.

"Huh? I'm not a-" Alister began to say but then was cut off by Dartz.

"Oh well, if you insist!" Dartz turned to Alister and winked, "_Alison_! Look what a gentleman he is!" Dartz fluttered his heavily mascaraed eyelashes at Kaiba.

"WHAT! My name is NOT-" Alister began again, but this time was given an icy glare from Dartz. There was no way you wanted make Dartz mad. Kaiba blushed at both "girls" and picked up the speaker. He was driven by love for the stunning redhead, supposedly named Alison. When he saw that the redhead had to go under the mechanism, his arms went weak and he almost dropped the heavy object on top of Alister. Fortunately, Dartz took hold of the other side and helped Kaiba carry it.

"DUDE! You almost dropped the thing on my face! I could have DIED if it wasn't for Dartz!" Alister called out from underneath.

"Dartz, where have I heard that name…" Kaiba wondered remembering the past duels he had during the Doma season. Dartz was afraid of having his true identity uncovered so he saved it by saying, "He said _Darla _darling. That's my name, _Darla_. Isn't that right, _Alison_?" he kicked Alister in the shin.

"OW! Yeah, yeah whatever. You know you're gonna get in a lot of trouble for this Dart-…I mean _Darla_." warned Alister. Kaiba ignored the conversation. He was drowning in the fine-looks and beautiful voice of _Alison_.

Across the lawn, Mai finally caught Valon. Now he was tied up to a chair while Mai was tying little ponytails in his chestnut brown hair. She was in love with his cuteness and she adored how he obediently played with his cookie family. When he tried to escape she would give him a cookie and he'd stay put…for a while. Rafael came out to check on everyone. Kaiba was helping Dartz and Alister, and Mai was fixing Valon's hair. Rafael was pleased at the sight. He looked towards the refreshments and saw a BIG problem that he'd be happy to fix.

"Looks like we need more cookies!" he merrily stated. And with that he went back into the kitchen to make more.

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A/N: My assistant Dr.Waka Waka asked me, "Why does every boy have to wear a dress?" I replied, "Because it's FUNNI!MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" don't you agree? Well pleez tell me what you thought of this chapter! Yugi and the gang are coming next! And I apologize early to any Yugi, Duke, Tristan, Joey, and/or

Tea fans. I'm open to any recommendations of stories, ideas to put in Rafael's Tea Party, or any revisions I need to make. Oh, BTW: Dice devil is now a registered author!


	5. some more trouble

Disclaimer: sigh this is getting old….I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh.

A/N: I apologize for ALL Yugi, Tea, Joey, Tristan, and Duke fans. PLEEZ accept this apology! Besides, it's funni to make fun of your loved ones! I did that with my loved one! coughalistercough …I'm not making any sense right? pleez R&R, thanx! P.s.: did I spell Tea's last name correctly? Tell me if I didn't.

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"…Teletubbies say hel-lo! Eh oh!" the hideous noise, used as a doorbell chime, finally stopped. Joey, Tea, Duke, and Yugi looked like they were going to scream. Tristan on the other hand, was singing along with the song all the way to the end…and his singing voice wasn't that pleasant. Like the other visitors they wanted to make a run for it but were too stunned to move.

Rafael rushed to the door. Before opening it he, looked through the spy hole. When he saw it was Yugi and his friends, he squealed with delight. Ever since after the Doma season, he developed unusual feeling for Yugi. Feelings of L-O-V-E actually. He even set up this whole tea party just to be with Yugi! He looked through the spy hole once more to see that adorable face of Yugi's, but then he saw…TEA GARDENER. She also liked Yugi. Rafael shuddered. He was going to have some tough competition.

"EH OH YUGI AND FRIENDS!" Rafael gaily shouted. He looked down at Yugi, "YUGI! YOU CAME!" he threw up his arms like he was about to hug him, but the Hyper color suit couldn't take the fat and weight he held and…it ripped…right down the middle uncovering his 12 pack, some man boobs, and the rest of the muscles.

"EEEEEEEEEK!" Poor Rafael shrieked in panic. He clutched the two parts of the dress and blushed…really red.

"Oh no, it's that crazy guy who tried to take the pharaoh's soul! Come on! Let's go!" Tea complained. "NO! Rafael's my friend!" Yugi retorted. "He got rid of all the anger inside of him, so he's safe…right?" Rafael practically died when heard the words 'He's my friend' He stood up, still clutching the dress, and began to explain, "Yugi's right. I'm free from the Oriechalkos! And I called you all here today so you can come attend my tea party! It's gonna be sooo much fun now that y'all are here! So stay!" Everybody stared in amazement. Then Tristan asked, "Is there food?" "Yup." "Then I'm there!" Tristan ran into the house and whooped. Joey followed in looking around for food.

"I better go look after Joey and Tristan." Tea sighed. Now Yugi and Duke were the only ones outside. Rafael added quickly, "Kaiba's here." And Yugi ran in screaming, "I'm coming Kaiba dear!"

THUD! Duke had fainted from all the craziness. Rafael pulled out the water gun he'd hidden to use on Alister and squirted at Duke. He woke up and found him self being pulled into the house.

"I must dreaming…I have to be…but I wanna go home to my game shop and dice and my fan girls…maybe I got swept up in a tornado and landed over the rainbow where there are giant oompa-loompa munchkin things wearing Hyper color dresses…yea…that's it…" Duke muttered in a daze. Then he began chanting "There's no place like home. There's no place like home. There's no place like home…" Rafael escorted everyone to dressing rooms and they all got changed and everything.

75 minutes later…

Yugi came out wearing a purple evening gown with puffy sleeves and long velvet gloves. The top of the dress sagged all the way down to his bellybutton, and Yugi was tripping over the end of the dress. Tea wobbled out wearing a HUMONGOUS white wedding dress. It looked like a layer cake and had lacey ends and a ghastly odor coming from it. Rafael ran out of costumes so he let Tea wear his mother's wedding dress he found in the attic. He didn't really care about Tea. Tristan was already in the back munching on cupcakes in his Pocahontas dress. He had feathers in his hair and war paint on his face. Joey was following him in hot pink tube top, aqua blue mini skirt, and royal purple heels. Rafael pierced his ears for him so he could add gold loops. Joey had on neon orange lipstick, tons of bracelets, and sparkly necklaces. He bobbled outside yelling at Tristan not to eat all the cupcakes. Both of them were unaware of the other funky, oddly dressed guests outside…but they were too busy to notice anyway. Rafael finished changing for the third time. He emerged in a maid's outfit looking thing. Well a can-can out fit. It was black with a kind of tutu dress, a V-neck top that was held up by spaghetti straps, black net stockings, another pair of black high heel boots, a black garter and an artificial mole right under his chin. He also wore a fuzzy black thingamabob in his hair. It's too complex to explain.

"Wow, you look like a slut." Tea commented. Rafael shot back, "Well you…you…uhhhh…look as old as that dress! Ha! Bet you can't beat that!"

"This is your _mom's_ dress! If you dis _it_, then you're dissing your _own mother_!" Tea stuck out her tongue. Rafael gasped and blew a raspberry.

"Can we _please_ leave Yugi? He's such a big baby!" Tea pleaded. Yugi shook his head. "We're already dressed! We can't leave now! Besides, Kaiba's here!" and Yugi ran out the backdoor. Rafael and Tea glared at each other.

"There's no way you're going to get Yugi! He's mine!" Tea warned.

"We'll just see about that. You better move out of my way so I can get to him before you do."

"Make me."

"Alright, then…" Rafael was about to pulverize Tea when he heard some really loud chanting coming from the bathroom.

"THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME! THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME! THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE…AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! WHAT AM I WEARING! SOMEBODY HELP!" Duke bawled from the bathroom. Rafael sigh, "Looks like Duke saved you this time, but you better watch out…bitch." Tea stormed out the door, giving him the finger. Rafael scowled at her and went to help Duke. He knocked down the bathroom door to find Duke squirming around in the ballerina tutu he gave him.

"AACKK! Get away from me you slutty oompa-loompa!" Duke cried. He put his arms up to protect him from the monster. Rafael rolled his eyes and pulled out the water gun. Squirt. Squirt. Squirt. And Duke was calmed. He rose from the floor and started dancing in his point shoes and ballerina outfit. It was all white with the essential pantyhose, lace, pearl necklace, and white satin ribbons. He Grand-jeted out of the room and into the back yard. When Duke got outside he noticed Valon with lots of cookies.

"Hi Valon! Do you remember me? I'm Duke! The guy you battle and said I wasn't good enough for the Oriechalkos!" Duke introduced. Valon stared up at the strange man who twitched every-so-oftened with fear and looked behind him to check for monsters. Then he remembered.

"OH YEAH! You challenged me to a duel when I was trying to persuade Mai to forget about Wheeler! I remember! There was also that little pest. What was her name? …Sebastian?"

"Nah, I think her name was Becky. Or was it Jacqueline?" Duke tried to remember. Valon and Duke sat there trying to remember the name of Professor Hawkin's grand-daughter. Mai didn't even notice that Duke and Valon had gotten into a conversation cause she was too busy trying to do something with Valon's stubborn hair.

Joey looked up from stuffing cupcakes and cream puffs into his mouth. He saw Mai fixing Valon's hair.

"WHAT! Why is she spending time with that creep that tried to steal my soul! I have to save her!" Joey mumbled to himself. He swaggered over to where Mai, Valon and Duke were and stood facing Valon with a fierce look on his face. Duke and Valon continued on with the name guessing conversation. And Mai continued brushing Valon's hair.

"What _was_ her name? Caitlin?" "No, it was Jennifer." "I don't think so. Maybe it was Erin. Or how about Paulina?" "Uhhhh Catherine? No wait, Sandra…or Cynthia?"

"Hmmm…was it Eden?" "I don't think so." Joey watched them with confusion until he figured out what they were discussing,

"If you're trying to remember Hawkin's grand-daughter, it's Rebecca!" Joey victoriously called out. Duke and Valon's eyes glittered with intelligence.

"RIGHT!" they bonked their heads together and groaned. Mai finally spotted Joey standing in front of her.

"HAHAHA! JOEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?" Mai laughed. Joey felt uncomfortable seeing Mai look so happy around Valon so he pulled her away.

"huh? Joey? Where are you taking me? HEY! VALON! I PROMISE I'LL DO YOUR HAIR LATER!" Mai screamed as she was being pulled away from the group.

"YOU WISH!" Valon called back. "YEA! I'M FINALLY FREE! Hey Duke, you wanna help me with my Cookie family?"

"SURE! Sounds like fun! Uhhh what's a Cookie family?"

Over on the other side of the yard Alister was finishing up the final touches on the Karaoke machine. Yugi was spying on Kaiba through a bush and Dartz was sitting in a lounge chair drinking a martini.

"Are you finished yet, Alison?" Dartz hurried. Alister came out from under the machine. "Finished." Kaiba stared at Alister's/Alison's beauty. Yugi saw Kaiba's looking at Alister and jumped out of the bush.

"KAIBA! DARLING! DID YOU CHEAT ON ME WHILE I WAS AWAY!" Yugi screeched. Kaiba asked in confusion, "uuuhhh cheat?" Alister could clearly see that he was in the middle of a lover's quarrel.

"Alright. I'm leaving! See ya suckers! Haha!" and he made a run for the gate. Rafael was too busy fighting with Tea to notice Alister escaping. Dartz was too lazy to get up and chase Alister, but Kaiba loved him too much to let him go.

"Wait sweetheart! I love you! Don't listen to this twerp!" Kaiba chased after Alister and caught him by the ankles.

"NOOOOOOO! You ruined my escape plan you dope!"

"I'm sorry! I…I just want you to stay with me….forever…"

"Oh no…please God. This can't be happening to me...again."

So, the story so far, in case you're confused: Kaiba is in love with Alister and thinks his Alister's real name is Alison. Dartz's name is Darla and soon he's going to start hosting a Karaoke game… (oops wasn't supposed to say that.) Joey is trying to get Mai away from Valon cuz he's jealous. Duke is helping Valon with his Cookies. Tea and Rafael are fighting over Yugi, but Yugi loves Kaiba and is jealous of Alister. And Tristan is pigging out at the food table. This is going to be one heck of a tea party.

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A/N: do you like it? Pleez tell me! I apologize again for all the Alister, Valon, Rafael, Tea, Duke, Tristan, Mai, Joey, Yugi and Dartz fans. REVIEW! I'm so sorry that this isn't as funny as the previous chapters…TT 


	6. even more trouble approaching

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Yu-gi-oh characters. Or any of the songs used…in the story.

A/N: ummm I don't have much to say but enjoy! Oh yea, my perverted-ness is going to be showing in this chapter…a lot.

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Everything was getting out of hand! Rafael had knocked out Tea while they were fighting over Yugi. But now, he saw that Tea wasn't the only problem. Everyone wasn't in their seats! Kaiba was drooling over Alister, Yugi was stalking Kaiba, Joey was pulling Mai away from Valon, Valon and Duke were playing with cookies, Dartz was sitting in his lounge chair and not providing music and entertainment like he was supposed to, and Tristan was eating all the food. Rafael was getting fed up with this nonsense…

"KAIBA GET AWAY FROM YUGI! VALON AND DUKE DON'T PLAY WITH YOUR FOOD! DARTZ! START SINGING! TRISTAN STOP EATING ALL THE FOOD! AND EVERYONE GET THEIR BUTTS IN A SEAT! NOW!" Rafael hollered. Then he added, "SOMEONE PULL TEA INTO HER SEAT!" Everyone quickly obeyed his commands seeing that Rafael had veins popping out of his forehead and a super red face that was about to explode. When everyone was settled in, Rafael came out of the kitchen with more snacks and delicious homemade pastries. Dartz was about to reach for a brownie when Rafael slapped him.

"NO BROWNIES FOR YOU! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE SINGING!" Rafael yelled at Dartz.

"Fine! But you really shouldn't slap your boss!" Dartz pouted. He got up and pressed in the numbers to a song and started singing into the blaring microphone.

"_The eensy, weensy, spider, went up the water spout! Down came the rain and washed the spider out! Up came the sun and dried up all the rain, but then came a flash flood and washed him down again!_" Dartz sang in an off key tone. Everyone had covered their ears to the horrible sound and Tea awoke screaming, "MOMMY!" and Dartz waited for his score.

"WHAT! 33! I sang better than that! I deserve a hundred! I will take the soul of this machine and feed it to the great beast!" Dartz angrily stated. Everyone stared. "I mean, I'll just try again."

"That wasn't even the correct ending!" Joey whispered to Mai. Dartz turned and glared at him.

"Are you challenging me? Are ya? Punk?"

"WHAT! No! Never! You're…you're the best!"

"I don't believe you! You think you can sing better than _moi_? Then come up here and prove it!"

"But I can't sing!"

"I'm waiting…" Dartz tapped his foot impatiently. Joey came up to the stage and started flipping through the song book looking for something to sing.

"I'm next! I'm next!" Duke excitedly exclaimed.

"Another challenger? Then I guess it's a karaoke contest! Now everyone can sing against the reigning champion, me!"

"But we didn't even want to sing! And you only sang once!" Alister retorted.

"Shut up, Alison. I'm always the best."

"Found it!" Joey pressed in the numbers and took a deep breath."_Super-cali-fragil-istic-expi-ali-docious! Even though the sound of it is something quite atrocious! If you say it loud enough you'll always sound precocious, Super-cali-fragil-istic-expi-ali-docious! Um diddle diddle diddle, um diddle ay... _"Joey sang. Everybody plugged their ears and helped themselves to some food. Rafael was exhausted from standing up so he took a seat.

"Move it Kaiba, I get to sit by Yugi!" he shoved Kaiba out of the chair and sat down next to Yugi. Yugi whimpered. Now Kaiba didn't have a seat. He looked at Alister hoping he had a solution. Alister sighed, "Take my seat. I'll go get another chair," He added quietly, "and sit somewhere else." Alister got a chair put it next to Valon and sat down. He was staring straight across the table into Kaiba's tearing puppy dog eyes.

"You didn't have to move! You could've sat in my lap!" Kaiba sobbed.

"You perv! I don't want to sit in your lap! I'm not gonna look at you or talk to you ever again!"

"WAAAAAAAAHHH! ALISON DOESN'T LIKE ME ANYMORE! I'M SORRY ALISON!" Kaiba wailed.

"WHAT! I never even liked you!" Alister retorted. Everybody stopped eating, and Joey stopped singing to watch the lover's quarrel. Yugi was steaming. Valon tapped Alister's shoulder.

"You mind filling me in on _Alison_ mate?" Valon snickered. Alister tried to punch him in the nose but Valon was too quick. Kaiba was still crying when Yugi got out of his chair and ran up to Kaiba.

"It's okay Kaibie! You're too good for her!" Yugi comforted. He stuck his tongue out at Alister.

"Yeah, listen to the kid with the crazy mohawk." Alister said. Then he realized…"HEY! He's not too good for me! _I'm_ too good for _him_! He's a pervert who wants pretty women to sit in his lap!" Kaiba cried even louder.

''Don't worry Kaiba! This chick is on drugs! She thinks she's actually pretty. If you wanted someone to sit in your lap, then why didn't you ask me? I'd be happy to!" with that he plopped right onto Kaiba's lap and sat with a dumb little smile on his face. Rafael and Tea both charged at Kaiba with rock hard fists.

"Don't worry Yugi! You don't have to sit in his lap! You're welcome in mine!" Tea screeched.

"If he's going to be sitting in anyone's lap, it'll be mine!" Rafael yelled. Tea and Rafael braced themselves for another bloody fight.

"Another fight Mr. Steroids?"

"Bring it on bitch." And they started punching away. Kaiba calmed down a bit. He was unaware of everything that had happened when he was crying.

"Yugi,"

"Yes Kaiba dear?"

"Get out of my lap. It's really uncomfortable."

"Whatever you say." Yugi answered with a bit of disappointment in his voice. Kaiba turned to Alister, "I'm really sorry. I promise I won't ask you again."

"Don't even talk to…" Alister started, but when he remembered everything that happened because of the fight he said instead, "Don't sweat it." And he sat back in his chair and glared at Valon who was cracking up and banging on the table laughing. Alister grinned at the mess that Valon had made while laughing.

"Valon?"

"What? _Alison_? Heeheehahaha!"

"You're crushing your cookies." Valon picked up his fist that smacked on the table. Sure enough there were bits of cookie crumbs stuck to it. He looked underneath and saw Mr. Cookie smashed into bits.

"NOOOO! I killed him! Mr. Cookie speak to me! Someone get him an ambulance! He needs serious medical attention now!" Duke came over and put his ear against Mr. Cookie's chest. He slowly got up and put a napkin over Mr. Cookie.

"I'm so sorry Valon. I'm afraid we've lost him." They both bowed their heads in respect and said a prayer.

"Duke, do you know what this means! It means that I'm a murderer! And Mrs. Cookie is going to be a crazy widow who comes after me!" Valon whimpered. He took out Mrs. Cookie and wailed, "I'M SO SORRY! I DIDN'T MEAN TO KILL YOUR BELOVED MR. COOKIE! IT WAS AN ACCIDENT! It was," he pointed at Alister. "his fault!"

"No, it was your fault Valon. You smashed the cookie with your own bare hands."

"DON'T LISTEN TO ANYTHING HE SAYS! HE'S LYING!" Valon retorted.Duke nodded in agreement. "Liar! Liar! Alister's a liar!" Alister groaned," I'm too tired to argue." He went and broke up the fight between Tea and Rafael. Rafael had a purple ring around his eye and Tea had a bloody nose.

"Let me at her!" Rafael screamed as Alister held him back.

"You're lucky you have your _girlfriend_ to save you from my wrath! Why do even want Yugi when you have a girlfriend? Planning to cheat?"

"I'm NOT his girlfriend!" Alister growled. Joey wheezed into the microphone, "Yes! I beat you blue head man! I got 34! In your face!" Dartz pouted. "Everyone was fighting so I couldn't hear. Besides, it's only by one point and you had a longer song. So I still rock!" Duke ran up on stage, pressed in the numbers and started singing, "_Viva! Las Vegas! Viva Las Vegas!"_ it was his favorite song because Las Vegas had lots of gambling. And where there's gambling, there's always dice. Valon interrupted him and whispered a request to Duke.

"Right. He's more important." Duke canceled the song and pressed in the code to another song.

"_Amazing Grace! How sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me! I once was lost, but now I'm found; was blind but now I see. T'was grace that taught my heart to fear and grace my fears re-lieved..." _Duke sobbed in memory of Mr. Cookie. Valon bowed his head. Mai also bowed her head for she had known Mr. Cookie for a while. When the song was finished, a cheer came from the machine. "Well done! You got 97! Three more points ought to do it!" it said in a mechanical voice. Dartz was infuriated. Everybody clapped and Dartz sunk into his chair. Next up to sing: Tristan.

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A/N: you like? I know I always write after every chapter but I'm always worried that people don't like it. I want to thank silveryuki06 and LeDiva personally for reviewing every chapter! THANX! You guys are the best! And Jennifer: YOU DON'T READ MY STORIES! WAAAAAAAAAAAHH! Can you tell that to Jennifer silveryuki06? sniff thanks… 


	7. end of the contest and some trouble

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-gi-oh, or any of the songs used in the karaoke contest. I don't own Veggie Tales…

A/N: ummm well…uhhh just read it! If I have something to say I'll say it later…

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"_Hey hey we're the Monkeys! People say we monkey around! But we're too busy_ _singing! To put anybody down..."_ Tristan hollered into the microphone. He chose this song to remind himself how Serenity cared so much about him while he was a robot monkey. Dartz glowed with envy. He had been beaten! And that was never good…especially to the person who beat him.

Alister sat quietly, knowing that Dartz would explode any minute now. _I have to get out of here or else I might die! Hey, where's that pepper spray I brought with me when I first came over here?_ Alister thought. He reached into his belt that he refused to take off when changing and let his hands grip a small bottle of pepper spray.

"YES!" he interrupted. Everyone turned to look at him.

"I mean uhhh Bravo?"

"I haven't finished yet Alister, but thanks for thinking about it!" Tristan merrily forgave. He continued howling into the mike. Alister took out the pepper spray and got ready to run. He had to sneak up to the gate without anyone seeing him. Alister planned silently, "_Let's see. The closest chair to the gate is…ACK! Rafael's! Well, that's what the pepper spray is for! Here goes nothing, five, four, three, two…"_ Alister kicked down his chair and ran. He ran like the wind. But Rafael saw Alister eyes planning an escape and he was one step ahead of him. But he didn't know about the pepper spray Alister brought with him. Rafael shot out of his chair right before Alister. He blocked the gate with his colossal body.

"Where you going now _Alison_? Heh heh!" Rafael exclaimed. The party all turned around to watch the fight hoping it consisted of blood.

"You sound like a lecherous old man when you say that. Besides, I'm going home!" Alister shot.

"How are you going to get past me?"

"With this!" Alister pulled out the pepper spray. His fear for Rafael showed as he gripped the can with all his might.

"It's pepper spray! It's kinda like fart. Small but deadly! And, I'm…I'm not afraid to use it! Even if it's gonna hurt you. I'm sorry Rafael!" Alister closed his eyes and pushed the button to let out the stinging substance. Nothing came out.

"Huh?" Alister turned the bottle around and saw a clump of…something… stuck to the opening. He scraped it off and continued to point it at Rafael. Right when he was going to shoot Kaiba got up and ran over to Alister.

"NOOOO! I won't let you be guilty for such a crime! Mokuba wants me to _marry_ a good girl! You can't have a criminal record! You can't! Mokuba won't allow it!" Kaiba jumped Alister causing him to shoot the spray in…Kaiba's face. Kaiba stood there with swelling cheeks for a moment. Then he went, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! OUCHIE! HOT HOT HOT! OOOOHH! AAAHH! HELP! IT BUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRNNS! I WANT MY MOMMY! WAAAAAAAHHHH! OWWWWWWWW!"

"Uh oh." Alister tried to run for it but Rafael was still blocking the gate. Alister felt really guilty. He didn't feel like leaving anymore. He _let_ Rafael guide him by the hand back to his seat. He _let_ Rafael put him in his seat. And he _let_ Rafael chain him to the chair. Alister felt that guilty. While Kaiba moaned Yugi rushed to Rafael's side to help his dear Kaiba.

"YOU," Yugi pointed at Alister. "Don't you feel bad about yourself now? Look at poor Kaibie! And he L...L...loved you! Shame on you!" Yugi scolded. Alister just sat there quietly. If someone got close enough to his face they could see that Alister was crying inside those big gray eyes of his. He felt so bad…

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Yugi helped Rafael put cold towels on Kaiba's face. Every time the towels touched Kaiba he screamed. Yugi's heart broke hearing those ear piercing screams. Tea growled with jealousy watching Rafael so close with Yugi.

"That's it! I can't take it anymore!" she walked over and helped Yugi and Rafael heal Kaiba. No one said anything at the table.

"Soooo, is the party over?" Joey asked. Dartz brightened up.

"No! We still have a lot more contestants!"

"Did my singing count?" Tristan asked.

"No. You sucked." Dartz explained.

"Oh, okay." Tristan left the stage.

"Any volunteers?" Dartz merrily asked. Mai slowly raised her hand.

"Miss Valentine! You're up!" Dartz welcomed. Mai only did this to persuade Valon to come up and sing. She wanted to film his performance and post it on the Valon Fan Club's website.

"_He was a boy, she was a girl. Can I make it anymore obvious? He was a punk, she did ballet. What more could I say? He wanted her. She'd never tell. Secretly she wanted him as well. But all of her friends stuck up their nose for they had a problem with his baggy clothes. He was a skater boy! She said 'see ya later boy! He wasn't good enough for her! She had a pretty face but her head was up his face. She needed to come back down to Earth…" _Mai sang passionately. Valon stopped trying to piece back Mr. Cookie to watch Mai. Joey wanted her to get off the stage because he didn't want Valon to take advantage of Mai on stage. Everyone applauded, including Dartz, when Mai finished. She got a 100! This gave Valon an idea to show off his lovely singing voice in front of Mai. Valon ran up and grabbed the mike from and Mai and started singing.

"_I love rock n' roll! Put another dime in the jukebox baby! I love rock n' roll…"_ Valon sang. Mai sat filming the whole thing.

Meanwhile on the other side of the yard, Tea was squished in between Rafael and Yugi. She didn't want Rafael to be anywhere near Yugi. She kept on slapping Rafael whenever he got too close to Yugi. Yugi was too worried to notice the angry sparks between Rafael and Tea. Kaiba wasn't wailing as much. He fell asleep and he was having a dream where he, Alison and their **5 **children were dancing in a land of rainbows and pink ponies.

Back at the contest, Valon finished, got an 86, and caught Mai filming, so he began to chase her until Joey came and punched him the face. Mai screamed and punched Joey.

"Leave me alone!" Mai yelled at Joey and she took by the arm Valon and sat with him helping him with the cookie puzzle. Duke got the leg finished. But Tristan ate some of the crumbs. Soooo they were kinda mad. Mai suggested that they give Mrs. Cookie another husband. She grabbed one of Dartz's brownies and gave it to Valon. Valon stared at the brownie and threw it away. Tristan ate it.

"Ewwww this tastes nasty! Who made it?" Tristan exclaimed. Dartz glared at him.

"Are you suggesting a cooking competition too?"

"No sir. Your brownies are very delicious…sir." Tristan yelped.

"I thought so…"Dartz saw that they needed another contestant.

"Oh Alister!" Alister stood up like a robot and flipped through the song book. He pressed in some numbers.

"_Going out tonight. I'm feeling alright. Gonna let it all hang out. Wanna make some noise. Really raise my voice. Yeah I wanna scream and shout…"_ Alister sang. No one had a clue on what this song was until he sang, "_the best thing about being woman, is the prerogative to have a little fun and…oh, oh, oh, go totally crazy! Forget I'm a lady! Men's shirts, short skirts! Oh, oh, oh, really go wild! Yeah doin' it with style! Oh, oh, oh, get in the action. Feel the attraction! Color my hair, do what I dare! Oh, oh, oh, I wanna be free. Yeah to feel the way I feel. Man! I feel like a woman!" _Alister sang like a robot. At the end he got a 76 and sat down.

Everybody including Rafael, Tea, Yugi and Kaiba were amazed. (Kaiba woke up to Alison's sweet voice) This inspired Rafael and made want his turn. Rafael forgot about Kaiba and ran up on stage. He hoped they had this song…

"YES!" he exclaimed when he found it. Rafael pushed in 569823 and started singing.

"_Who sleeps all night in a cake made of strawberry? Wakes up bright in a cake made of strawberry? Livin right in a cake made of strawberry? Strawberry Shortcake, wouldn't ya know. Who sweeps her floors in a cake made of strawberry? Plays outdoors of a cake made of strawberry? Games and chores in a cake made of strawberry? Strawberry Shortcake, wouldn't ya know. It's love that makes her garden grow. With lots of pretty berries in a row. She greets each day with a berry glow. Strawberry Shortcake, wouldn't ya know. What's it like in a cake made of strawberry? Work and play in a cake made of strawberry? Learn the way of little Miss Strawberry? Strawberry Shortcake and you will know . . . . Strawberry Shortcake says you will know."_ Rafael gasped for air.

Singing the strawberry shortcake theme song was hard work. He got a…34. Poor Rafael went back to help Yugi and Tea. Yugi tried to cheer up Rafael, "That's my favorite song! And that was the best I've ever heard it!" Rafael blushed, "It was nothing!" Tea got mad. She stomped up the podium and found her song.

"_Have you ever seen a boy with funny clothes? A girl with braces on her teeth or freckles on her nose? Some kids call them oodballs, some kids call them weird…"_ this was Tea's favorite song from the Christian cartoon Veggie Tales. Veggie Tales inspired her to become the friendly girl she was today so she sang, "_I can be your friend! I can be your friend! Any day in any weather! We can be friends and play together..." _Tea sang. Yugi nodded his head in with the beat. Rafael was tempted to throw a chair at her. In the end, she got a 79. She laughed in Rafael's face. Yugi decided he was next.

"_Imagine me and you, I do. I think about you day and night, it's only right. To think about the girl you love and hold her tight, so happy together!..." _Yugi sang. But this song wasn't dedicated to Kaiba as people would think. No, it was dedicated to Yami Yugi who hasn't shown up in this story. Yami Yugi took over the second half, "_I can't see me lovin' nobody, but you for all my life! When you're with me, baby the skies will be blue for all my life!..." _together they received 99 from the computer. High fives all around! The Karaoke contest was almost over. Kaiba was the last one to sing.

"Don't worry Alison! All is forgiven!" the pepper spray made him a little woozy so he forgot what he was doing and pressed in the numbers to his most secretive, darkest, favorite song that no on, even Mokuba and Roland, knew about.

"_This my shit! This my shit! Few times I been round that track, so it's not gonna happen like that, cause I ain't no Hollaback girl! I ain't no Hollaback girl! Oooooooh this my shit, this my shit…"_

Duke started spazzing out again. "Mommy! Waaaaahh! Stop the madness! Where am I? Am I still over the rainbow?" Duke twitched. Joey splashed cold water on him and Duke went back to looking for cookies. Valon and Mai were protecting each other from the horrible sound and Alister just sat watching. He was still feeling guilty. Dartz got up and dance with Kaiba. Yugi got mad and got on the stage too. Rafael and Tea started fighting again and Tristan ate all of Dartz Brownies. Do you see what Tea parties can do to people now?

To be continued in chapter…uhhh…8.

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A/N: uhhh I don't think this was so funny. And it's kinda short. So sorry. TT and thanks for the reviews! 


	8. finale

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh. And I don't own any songs used…

A/N: ummm I think I'm gonna end this story in this chapter. It was a lot of fun! And I'm so glad that everyone enjoyed it! Trust me. When I finish this story, Millennium Mall, and Mental Man (which will be finished soon) I'll continue to write more funny stories in other animes! Yea! So enjoy this finale of Rafael's Tea Party!

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Rafael would've been so happy to see everyone enjoying themselves at his tea party! But, he couldn't see because right now he and Tea were in a mad cat fight.

"AHHHHHH! I'm gonna kill you, you bitch!"

"Not if I kill you first!"

"I'm bigger!"

"You're just bigger because you're on steroids!"

"This is pure muscle!" Rafael lifted up a heavily drugged arm and flexed it. Thousands of muscles popped out. It was disgusting. Rafael was about to sock Tea in the nose again, when he heard…  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! THE COOKIES! THE POOR COOKIES! TRISTAN!" Valon wailed. Tristan had mistakenly ATE the ENTIRE Cookie family. The brownies made him feel hungrier so he was eating anything in his path. Unfortunately the Cookies were in his path today. Duke, Mai and Valon sobbed heavily. Joey saw Mai crying and rushed over to comfort her. Alister finally gave in and sang with Dartz and Kaiba on stage. They were singing Rich Girl by Gwen Stephani together when Rafael called everyone together.

"Umm I'd just like to say that I'm really sorry for tricking everyone into coming to my tea party. I was tired of feeding my stuffed animals real food. Speaking of stuffed animals, I'd like to give everyone a party treat!" Rafael pulled out a bag filled with stuffed animal plushies. Everyone whooped. Rafael went around the table and gave out plushies to everyone. Kaiba was first. Rafael presented a little blue bunny named Blues Eyes.

"Kaiba! Thanks for coming! I'm really sorry about the pepper spray incident!"

"That's okay! If it weren't for this, I wouldn't have met the love of my life: Alison! And by the way, I'd like to ask Alison a question." Kaiba turned to Alister. "Alison, I'm always so busy with work and everything and this may be my only chance to ask you: Will you marry me?" Alister couldn't take it anymore. Dressing like a girl, having Kaiba drool over him, and singing Hollaback Girl with Kaiba was understandable. But marrying his arch enemy? He stood up and apologized, "Kaiba, I'm sorry to burst your bubble, but I really didn't want to have to do this…" He lifted up his dress for Kaiba to see what gender he really was. (Remember now, he's wearing panty hose so…)

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Kaiba blubbered; he turned away from Alister and sobbed into Dartz's shoulder. Alister smiled with relief, "My work here is done." Dartz's shoulder was already half soaked.

"Don't worry Kaiba. You'll always have me! Darla!"

"Then will you marry me Darla?"

"Of course I will! Let's start planning!" Rafael gave Dartz a Leviathan plushie. "CONGRATULATIONS DARTZ! Don't forget to invite me!" And he continued passing out plushies. Kaiba asked in confusion, "Dartz? I thought your name was Darla! Are you a man too?"

"Of course not! We're an engaged couple! We should just enjoy each other's company right now! We'll get to the truth telling when we're married. I can't wait to have another wedding! I better not blubber like I did last time…"

"LAST TIME?" Kaiba fainted.

Alister was taking a nap with his new monkey toy named Ned. He was dreaming about killing Kaiba by blowing him up in a tank. Valon was playing with his new friend Doo Doo the sheep. Duke was hugging Butter Butt, his chicken doll. Joey received a time wizard, Tea- a stained and ripped Karibo, Tristan-a lump of cheese that he tried desperately to eat. Mai got a Harpi Lady which came with different outfits. The clothes were hand-sewed by Rafael. He was extremely proud of what he made for Yugi: a guardian Iachtos.

"This is for you Yugi! So you can always remember me!" he glanced at Tea who was punching her Karibo. Rafael suddenly got depressed. He let out a moan.

"WAAAAAAAHHHH! It's finally over! I feel so sad! I'm gonna miss you all!" Rafael cried. Joey, Tea, and Alister started running towards the gate when Mai shyly approached the sobbing Rafael.

"Rafael? I'd just like to say that I actually enjoyed myself! This was the best tea party I've ever been to!" everyone nodded in agreement. Duke cried out, "It was my first!" Mai continued, "And we'd like it if you could host another tea party!" Now some people backed away.

"You're on your own there sister!" Joey commented. Rafael brightened up. "Really? You mean it? I promise I'll make it even better than this one! And this time I'll invite Mako, and Weevil, and Rex too! How about Esperoba? Is Noah still alive?" He and Mai started making plans for the next tea party. Everyone was enjoying themselves, by singing karaoke, or playing games or doing some other actvities. Suddenly they heard, "_Tinky-winky! Dipsy! La La! Po! Teletubbies! Teletubbies! Say eh-oh! Eh-oh!_"

Bakura was at the front door of the enormous pink house.

"I hope I'm not too late to register!" he rang the doorbell. The Teletubbies theme song sang out.

"Where are the Teletubbies?" He looked around checking every little gap. He saw people coming to the door. Bakura combed his hair back and was blown away by a big welcome from the whole party.

"EH-OH BAKURA!"

I HAVE A BONUS CHAPTER!

AND THERE'S A SEQUEL CALLED RAPHAEL'S SLEEPOVER BY SKULL KEEPER! DON'T FORGET TO CHECK IT OUT! I HELPED WORK ON IT TOO!

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A/N: sniffle well that's all! I'm so happy yet so sad at the same time! But wait! Don't forget to check out my BONUS CHAPTER that I wrote! 


	9. Bonus Chapter: Valon's Cookies

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh or channel 13.

A/N: YEA! BONUS CHAPTER!

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**Valon's Cookies**

Alister sat down on the couch and turned on the TV and watched the news. Channel 13 was covering the grand opening of a new bakery in Town Square. Right now they were interviewing the owner.

"Tell me Mr. Valon, what led you to open this new bakery called Mr. Cookie and friends?"

"Well I attended a tea party last month and I met a new friend named Mr. Cookie there. We had some great times that day, but then a guy named _Alison_ made me smash Mr. Cookie!" Valon wept.

"Isn't that murder? And isn't Alison a _girl's_ name?"

Alister glared at the TV.

"Why you…VALON! I'M GONNA KILL YOU!" Alister stormed out of the door and rode his motorcycle all the way to Town Square.

Back in Town Square, the reporter asked Valon if he could show them around.

"Here's the kitchen where we bake all the cookie friends. Here's the bathroom where you can do your business. Here's the cash register where we collect the hundreds of dollars that we earn when we sell the cookies." Valon led them to a brightly painted corner with a small red plastic table and fabric. "This corner over here is the dressing and naming center for when you've finished baking your cookie friend. All cookies must have a name! And they shouldn't go out in public naked!"

The reporter got confused. "Why do you need to name your cookie? Aren't they for eating?" Valon nearly fainted. He was about to explain when they heard a loud rumble of an engine. Alister jumped off and rolled up his sleeves.

"VALON! SAY YOUR PRAYERS CAUSE YOU'RE GOING DOWN TODAY!" Alister took a punch at him, but Valon ducked. He yelled to the reporter, "This is ALISON! The guy who killed Mr. Cookie!"

"But didn't you smash Mr. Cookie? By the way, I'm not so confused over the whole _Alison is a girl's name_ anymore! You can clearly see that this Alison _is_ a girl!" the reporter screamed back. Valon and Alister's fight was attracting a crowd. In that crowd was the newlywed couple, Seto and Darla Kaiba. Seto hollered from the side, "Alison's a man! Show 'em Alison!"

"MY NAME'S NOT ALISON! IT'S ALISTER!" and he almost cuffed Kaiba when Dartz used his Oriechalkos magic to blow him away.

"WOW! I didn't know you could use magic Darla!'

"It's one of my deepest darkest secrets."

"My deepest, darkest secret is: I like the song Hollaback Girl."

"I already know that."

"COOL! You can read minds too?"

"Sure I can."

Alister was unconsciously sitting against the wall and Channel 13 continued asking Valon questions.

"If you would let me Mr. Valon, would you let me have a cookie…friend?"

Valon joyously presented the reporter with a gingerbread girl cookie (named Anna) dressed in a little Yellow dress like the one he'd wore at Rafael's tea party. The reporter gratefully took the cookie.

"Let's see if the cookies here are as good as the presentation shall we?" the reporter ripped off the dress on the cookie.

"W…What are you doing!" Valon whimpered. He was a witness of rape. "POLICE! POLICE! HELP!" the repoter held down Valon.

"Relax. It's not like this is a crime!" and he…took a giant bite out of Anna the cookie.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

The end.

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A/N: THERE'S A SEQUEL CALLED RAPHAEL'S SLEEPOVER BY SKULL KEEPER! GO READ IT! I HELPED TOO! 


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